


Macaroni and Chaos

by ChaoGardener



Category: Deltarune (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Cooking, Comedy, Cooking, Funny, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24128968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoGardener/pseuds/ChaoGardener
Summary: It's 3 AM, and Jevil doesn't have any food. What else can he do but cook something? This is why he absolutlely should not.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Macaroni and Chaos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KillerAwesome](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=KillerAwesome).



The clock on the wall read 3:27 AM. The night was dark and silent, save for the occasional passing car. Only people who's lives and beings who had truly spiraled out of control would be up at this hour, thought a certain beloved jester as he continued his romp inside the kitchen he called home. Truth be told, Jevil had been hungry for the past few hours, but he was too focused on beating a certain funny skeleton in order to make food. He still had yet to succeed, but hunger can get to someone after a while.

Cabinets were swung open and shut with brute force as the fool searched for something quick and easy to eat. "How dissapointing... the Cheerios bore me, the Pop-Tarts are empty... where in chaos's name is the food?" Jevil's voice rang out, bouncing against the tiled floor, allowing for a faint echo. There was nothing he particularly enjoyed in his shelves, he thought, making sure he checked everywhere. However, he had not, for as he was about to close his cabinets, something caught the devil's eye.

"MAC AND FUCKING CHEESE! I SHALL NOT STARVE, SHALL NOT STARVE! I CAN COOK ANYTHING!"

Jevil SLAMMED his cabinets shut, ripping the mac and cheese box out of them and onto his countertop. "Hm… let's see…" The clown observed the aqua blue container, attempting to decipher the instructions. However, being locked up in a spinning jail cell can really fuck with your perception of the correct way to cook macaroni. So, of course, this meant that anything logical was out the window. Jevil was hungry. It was time he ate.

Step 1: Boil 6 cups of water in medium saucepan.  
Jevil read this, confused as to what saucepan meant. "A pan.. of sauce? Of course, of course! Flavoring the macaroni makes it all the better!" The demon trotted to his fridge, rummaging it in search of the best sauce for the occasion. Of course, it didn't take long for him to find the perfect one for the job! As he took the mayonnaise to the counter, he pondered on how to convert this unusual substance into a pan. But, it didn't take long for a duck carousel and some precise pouring to create a big enough pan for the occasion! Now it was time to boil that water.

Step 2: Stir in pasta, boil 7 to 9 minutes or to desired tenderness, stirring 3 to 4 times.  
This step seemed easy enough, just put in the noodles and wait! Jevil dumped the macaroni - unopened packet included - into his saucepan, and waited… and waited… the clown stared into his wall, pondering the actions that lead him here. Why he thought it was neccessary to stay up this late, fighting a fight he knew he couldn't win, why the stars aligned in such a way that he was trapped for centuries. The fool was trapped in a never ending cycle of fantasies… "How has it only been 2 minutes!?"

Jevil shook himself out of the funk he got himself into, pulling out his devil's knife. Using blunt handle, he stirred the pot of mistakes, contemplating how long this would take. Strangely, complaining about how long your food takes makes it take longer. The next 6 minutes were an agonizing hell of steam, tears, and chaos.

Step 3: Drain the water.  
A simple enough step, Jevil thought. Just put all that water out of the macaroni and into the sink, right? Unfortunately, taking water out of a pot made of mayonnaise was a challenge - the mac had stuck to the surface! The clown couldn't afford to lose that precious pasta, it was the only thing he had to eat. So, naturally, there was one reasonable thing to do.

Jevil threw the pot at the wall with full force, shattering it on impact. The macaroni went flying, as expected, but the demon had a brilliant plan. On his command, a fleet of hearts and spades came and acted as plates for the cooked pasta! The clown cackled maniacally as his powers saved his late night snack, and relocated the dish to a more proper plate.

Step 4: Add the cheese flavoring packet to the pasta.  
Okay, for real, this step could NOT be fucked up. There is no concievable way that this step could go wrong and require an out of the way maneuver to fix it and extend the process by another two minutes. That's what Jevil assumed, at first. "…Where is the packet of cheese? …oh, shame, don't tell me it got destroyed when I threw the pot!" As it turned out, that's exactly what happened. A large pile of cheese powder surrounded the sink, creating a safety hazard. If Jevil were to find a way to get around this problem, he could truly do anything.

And so back to the fridge he went! It didn't take much searching for him to find the next ingredient: a giant wedge of cheese. With no hesitation, the jester threw the cheese up in the air, before rapidly slicing it into small, thin sprinkles via a circle of scythes. It gracefully fell upon the plate of macaroni, creating what one could only describe as a beautiful, beautiful clusterfuck.

And with that, the food was done! After 20 minutes of improvisational hell, Jevil had created his 4 AM snack: Macaroni and Cheese. He set down his plate, grabbed a fork, and proudly took a bite of his creation.

And as quickly his pride filled his face, it left. A grimace made its way onto the clown's face. The taste was reminicsient of fecal matter, milk, and water. Everything about this tasted so horrible, Jevil had to push down the primal urge to vomit on the spot. Nothing could have prepared him for this absolute abomination of a meal.

"Ah, forget it. I'll just uber some McDonald's." Jevil tossed his mac and cheese hell into the trash, lazily picking up his phone. "It would have been easier, anyway."


End file.
